rewindpause. rewindpause. i need to speak with whoever said "time heals all wounds".
i'd like to noe why it jus gets harder with every new day. it's not supposed to be like this. isn't someone supposed to hit "play"??
i dun understand how it is fears creep up on you with every sun rise.
it's not nice when the first thought that pops into your head when your eyes open is
"is it today??"
is it today you lose someone you can't..?
cos you noe it's gonna happen someday. when do things attain a remote level of normalcy..is this one of those "learn on the job" kindda things? where you're supposed to stagger around until one day -who noes when- you suddenly realize you have strength in your legs again and you fling your crutch aside.
do those days happen?
or is it more like - you continue to struggle everyday, for the rest of your life. you never grow strong enough to rely on your 2 legs again. sometimes you trip, fall..but you have to keep walking or you get trampled on. so you can never do your lil strut again. cos you'll always be hunched over hand tightly clenched over the arch of your walking stick.  ¶ 1:08 PM 1 Comments

  talk about chic. whilst going thru documents & files, a little piece of paper flutters to the ground..

it reads:


"BCG Vaccination"

date: 23rd march 1983
name: baby Ng
date of birth: 21st march 1983



i was defenceless & only 2 days old and my folks called me baby Ng???
i guess in the age of "Apple", "Hermes", "Prince", "Starshine" & "Diva"...my folks were way ahead of their time :P  ¶ 10:37 AM 0 Comments

  silent hugs thank you for being my pillars of support this past week...especially the past few days.
thank yous to everybody for turning up everyday after an exhausting day of work.
thank you for bothering to come and help out even though you guys probably have a million other things that need to be done.
thank you for staying till late just in case i needed the company.
thank you for being so capable at entertaining yourselves cos that eases my burdens.
thank you for crying with me.
thank you for hiding it and giving me courage and strength.
thank you for giving up ur seats tho your feet might've been dying.
thank you for bringing me yummy things and trying to make me eat.
thank you for tolerating trigger happy uncle.
thank you for looking out for me.
thank you for being there when it happened.
thank you for caring for me & my family.

there're so many other 'thank yous' that i have to say & they will come in time, i promise. & i noe that for alittle while longer i'll need taking care of. thank you in advance for nagging & your patience.

i have so much to say about my marmy. i dont noe where to start & i guess my list wont see an end cos everyday i remm alittle bit more. i have regrets & "if onlys". at the sametime, i noe she wouldnt want any of them. my marmy would just want me to be happy, to be strong, to be my dad's crutch, to learn from her. all of which i noe i will, must, fulfill jus cos she deserves that at the very least. this little bit doesnt even begin to describe the awesome-ness of my mom but i believe you noe that.

thank you for your presence because it shows me that she meant something to my friends and she too touched their lives even tho it might've been a brief encounter.

my marmy was jus that amazing la.  ¶ 1:23 AM 1 Comments