belle du jour
Thursday, April 19
oh what a night.
so when i found out that i had to sell 80 lucky draw tickets @ $10 each, 3 beanie bears @ $40 each & 3 books @ $30 each i told God, "if it really is my calling to do sales, let me be able to sell them all."
& sell them all i did. (note: my targets were men who paid $500 each to golf on a thurs afternoon, all pulled up in one nice car or another & they were all raring to get onto the field. so, perhaps not so difficult to sell wad)
but i had totally forgotten about what i'd told Him until at the end of the night one of the committee members said to me, "so Elaine! you know what your calling is huh! if ever i need to sell anything im calling you!"
& then it hit me. gosh, maybe i really should do sales.
____________________________________
earlier that night:
as i hurried past his table, trying to sell the last book, he called me over
"come come, let me introduce you to my friends", he said as he gestured at the table of 9 men. and introduce he did, one by one. as i went around making friends, i saw some mates of his gesturing to their faces indicating they thought we looked alike, could we perhaps be father and daughter. but he replied, "no no, this is my son's girlfriend"...(i conveniently ignored that comment, read on to find out why.) when it came to the last guy who sat on his left he told me, "this is dr. xxx, he is a OBGYN, a OBGYN" (yes he repeated that last line, i dunno why) i was more than ALITTLE taken aback, not knowing exactly why he stated the occupation of this friend in particular & i truly did not know the right response to that. so i half laughed and said "ooOh, ok ok". fortunately, his OBGYN friend jumped in and said "this Philip, always plans too far ahead"....
so anyways. that little bit freaked me out alittle. but hearing a parent refer to me in my presence as a "girlfriend" made me cringe & wanna giggle at the sametime. i dunno about you, but my folks are the kind who will always (perhaps till marriage) refer to mark as "my daughter's friend"..hence, you understand my reaction upon hearing my 'title'.
heeheehee. ¶ 10:55 PM 0 Comments
& sell them all i did. (note: my targets were men who paid $500 each to golf on a thurs afternoon, all pulled up in one nice car or another & they were all raring to get onto the field. so, perhaps not so difficult to sell wad)
but i had totally forgotten about what i'd told Him until at the end of the night one of the committee members said to me, "so Elaine! you know what your calling is huh! if ever i need to sell anything im calling you!"
& then it hit me. gosh, maybe i really should do sales.
____________________________________
earlier that night:
as i hurried past his table, trying to sell the last book, he called me over
"come come, let me introduce you to my friends", he said as he gestured at the table of 9 men. and introduce he did, one by one. as i went around making friends, i saw some mates of his gesturing to their faces indicating they thought we looked alike, could we perhaps be father and daughter. but he replied, "no no, this is my son's girlfriend"...(i conveniently ignored that comment, read on to find out why.) when it came to the last guy who sat on his left he told me, "this is dr. xxx, he is a OBGYN, a OBGYN" (yes he repeated that last line, i dunno why) i was more than ALITTLE taken aback, not knowing exactly why he stated the occupation of this friend in particular & i truly did not know the right response to that. so i half laughed and said "ooOh, ok ok". fortunately, his OBGYN friend jumped in and said "this Philip, always plans too far ahead"....
so anyways. that little bit freaked me out alittle. but hearing a parent refer to me in my presence as a "girlfriend" made me cringe & wanna giggle at the sametime. i dunno about you, but my folks are the kind who will always (perhaps till marriage) refer to mark as "my daughter's friend"..hence, you understand my reaction upon hearing my 'title'.
heeheehee. ¶ 10:55 PM 0 Comments
Tuesday, April 17
After a while
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
- After awhile, Veronica Shoffstall.
¶ 3:37 PM 0 Comments
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
- After awhile, Veronica Shoffstall.
¶ 3:37 PM 0 Comments
Tuesday, April 3
effing.
pls note: i need to rant.
it pisses me off. and i havent been this pissed off in awhile.
get off the effing high horse you're on cause YOU ARE NO BETTER than anyone else. you are NOT PERFECT contrary to what you believe in. oh you pretend to acknowledge that. but it's painfully blatant you think you're so much closer to perfection than everyone else is. even those closest to you. what gives you the right to talk down to cabbies jus cause they dun speak proper english. what gives you the right to be curt and impatient with him when he's done nothing except put up with more than he should have to. take it out on me, but not on him jus cause you think he's got little education. she was right. she often told me but i brushed it off thinking i knew you better. but clearly she IS right!! & im sorry for doubting her and belitting all she put up with. you are effing arrogant and conceited!! you judge me and question my religion whenever i falter and do something that is "not right". you and you alone can dish the shit but cant take any. because what, your shit is better than everyone elses'?! SCREW YOU UNDERSTAND. keep your obligatory gifts and good intentions. you claim to love us but honestly, this is the most fucked up kind of love i've known. it'd be better if you jus fell off the face of this earth, really. do not call me and give me shit about not seeing me. it's so difficult for him he doesnt even wanna talk to you; minimal contact is best. seriously?! are you not ashamed of yourself?? oops. i forget. you cannot be in the wrong, ever, because you speak good english and have a large vocabulary.
why the hell does everybody have to tiptoe around you? where should we submit our applications to breathe and be within 5 feet of you??? i feel bad for him. the tone of his voice when he speaks of you. he doesnt even speak ill of you, but i noe it affects him. i wish he'd blow up in your face. that'd be healthier for him, which i value more than your well being, to be honest. reality check. you are not the queen, you do not have a public holiday to call your own. would you like us to prostrate ourselves whenever you enter a room? you make things awkward. difficult. strained. which is exactly what you are come to think of it. he does not have to do a single thing for you. yet he does so without a word. it breaks my heart to try and imagine how shattered he must be because of you and your ATTITUDE. DO NOT SNAP at me and then call me impatient. you ask for my opinion then refute everything i have to say. WHY BOTHER!!! talk to the mirror!!! i dont want to put up with this. but circumstances say i have to. everyone else does i don't noe why! as if you havent put us thru enough crap. as if im not scarred for life because of what you did. have you ever apologized? not even in my dreams. its not possible. you think the life you lead is so hard and you sacrifice more than anyone else. jus leave like you clearly want to. you're so much better than the rest of us and it's such an injustice for you to be in our company. well im sorry but, TOUGH! somebody should really give you a good smack and hopefully you'll wake up. i wish his feelings wouldnt hurt so much but i guess he doesnt have a choice.
screw you la.
im trying my hardest to keep from wishing the world's ills on you.
i dont noe how long i'll last. ¶ 12:44 AM 1 Comments
it pisses me off. and i havent been this pissed off in awhile.
get off the effing high horse you're on cause YOU ARE NO BETTER than anyone else. you are NOT PERFECT contrary to what you believe in. oh you pretend to acknowledge that. but it's painfully blatant you think you're so much closer to perfection than everyone else is. even those closest to you. what gives you the right to talk down to cabbies jus cause they dun speak proper english. what gives you the right to be curt and impatient with him when he's done nothing except put up with more than he should have to. take it out on me, but not on him jus cause you think he's got little education. she was right. she often told me but i brushed it off thinking i knew you better. but clearly she IS right!! & im sorry for doubting her and belitting all she put up with. you are effing arrogant and conceited!! you judge me and question my religion whenever i falter and do something that is "not right". you and you alone can dish the shit but cant take any. because what, your shit is better than everyone elses'?! SCREW YOU UNDERSTAND. keep your obligatory gifts and good intentions. you claim to love us but honestly, this is the most fucked up kind of love i've known. it'd be better if you jus fell off the face of this earth, really. do not call me and give me shit about not seeing me. it's so difficult for him he doesnt even wanna talk to you; minimal contact is best. seriously?! are you not ashamed of yourself?? oops. i forget. you cannot be in the wrong, ever, because you speak good english and have a large vocabulary.
why the hell does everybody have to tiptoe around you? where should we submit our applications to breathe and be within 5 feet of you??? i feel bad for him. the tone of his voice when he speaks of you. he doesnt even speak ill of you, but i noe it affects him. i wish he'd blow up in your face. that'd be healthier for him, which i value more than your well being, to be honest. reality check. you are not the queen, you do not have a public holiday to call your own. would you like us to prostrate ourselves whenever you enter a room? you make things awkward. difficult. strained. which is exactly what you are come to think of it. he does not have to do a single thing for you. yet he does so without a word. it breaks my heart to try and imagine how shattered he must be because of you and your ATTITUDE. DO NOT SNAP at me and then call me impatient. you ask for my opinion then refute everything i have to say. WHY BOTHER!!! talk to the mirror!!! i dont want to put up with this. but circumstances say i have to. everyone else does i don't noe why! as if you havent put us thru enough crap. as if im not scarred for life because of what you did. have you ever apologized? not even in my dreams. its not possible. you think the life you lead is so hard and you sacrifice more than anyone else. jus leave like you clearly want to. you're so much better than the rest of us and it's such an injustice for you to be in our company. well im sorry but, TOUGH! somebody should really give you a good smack and hopefully you'll wake up. i wish his feelings wouldnt hurt so much but i guess he doesnt have a choice.
screw you la.
im trying my hardest to keep from wishing the world's ills on you.
i dont noe how long i'll last. ¶ 12:44 AM 1 Comments
