Sunday, August 15
crumbs of life..
where are the damned pigeons when i need them...
*sigh* am having a really crummy day....it's been this way for awhile now...jus been grumpy & irritable...been thinking alot..about all the wrong things...& OF COURSE about all the things i shouldn't think about & should jus let be.....i've been told i'm really easily distracted...hehH..i noe i am...quite ill disciplined...well, i hate that right now EVRY LITTLE THING gets to me...i hate that i care so much...and that im so easily bugged...*argHh* wish i could focus better...& learn to chiLL..and take it easy more...i wanna fast forward time & go home to all my friends....they always make me feel better..& like im a better person...& despite alllll my flaws...im still perfect to them....thanx guys....am like, 1/4 way thru my semester already...HA...that was quick..like, every 3 wks im 1/4 closer to the exams and to returning home..it really is quick if you think about it...yet....it isn't quick enough.....*siGh*
life's all yucky and gross.....and i feel especially helpless & insecure....do not like it one bit......i bounce(?) between emotions..cant settle on one tho that'd make things easier..but im too scared to jus settle on one way...very very coward-ish i noe...but..im too scared to decide and do anything about anything..NO!! actually...it isn't in my power to decide!!! cause the ball aint in my court right now!! i dun think it'll be coming back for awhile..so, once again..i reiterate..im helpless..kudos to this mate i have who i noe has quite an exceptional ability to deal with uncertainty tho it freaks him out and destabilizes him, as hell...but somehow, he deals with it like many a thing...i need more certainty.....i need to have more trust & i need to jus....let go of things...cause there isnt anything i can do about it......(i think...?) i really wanna let go of everything right now..and do something with my life that i really wan? and noe why im doing it..
:(
life's gotta get better mate...i really really hope it deosnt plateau here & now.....
:( i wanna go home.....
¶ 1:16 PM
*sigh* am having a really crummy day....it's been this way for awhile now...jus been grumpy & irritable...been thinking alot..about all the wrong things...& OF COURSE about all the things i shouldn't think about & should jus let be.....i've been told i'm really easily distracted...hehH..i noe i am...quite ill disciplined...well, i hate that right now EVRY LITTLE THING gets to me...i hate that i care so much...and that im so easily bugged...*argHh* wish i could focus better...& learn to chiLL..and take it easy more...i wanna fast forward time & go home to all my friends....they always make me feel better..& like im a better person...& despite alllll my flaws...im still perfect to them....thanx guys....am like, 1/4 way thru my semester already...HA...that was quick..like, every 3 wks im 1/4 closer to the exams and to returning home..it really is quick if you think about it...yet....it isn't quick enough.....*siGh*
life's all yucky and gross.....and i feel especially helpless & insecure....do not like it one bit......i bounce(?) between emotions..cant settle on one tho that'd make things easier..but im too scared to jus settle on one way...very very coward-ish i noe...but..im too scared to decide and do anything about anything..NO!! actually...it isn't in my power to decide!!! cause the ball aint in my court right now!! i dun think it'll be coming back for awhile..so, once again..i reiterate..im helpless..kudos to this mate i have who i noe has quite an exceptional ability to deal with uncertainty tho it freaks him out and destabilizes him, as hell...but somehow, he deals with it like many a thing...i need more certainty.....i need to have more trust & i need to jus....let go of things...cause there isnt anything i can do about it......(i think...?) i really wanna let go of everything right now..and do something with my life that i really wan? and noe why im doing it..
:(
life's gotta get better mate...i really really hope it deosnt plateau here & now.....
:( i wanna go home.....
¶ 1:16 PM
