Tuesday, October 5
deliberation
i dunno..i really don't. i'm not sure about anything anymore. maybe that's okay..? u think? too many things have taken place that i never thought would. as shaken as my reality is, i have sense that i do have to carry on, as if nothing's happened. im shaken, shocked, in denial maybe. but it'll fall in place. eventually, i noe. jo reminded me. His grace will come. always. each brand new day, He renews His grace for me and hence, i can carry on. that gives me courage. and Hope. something i never thought i'd find. yet.
i think im kindda happy now. im trying to find out who i am. jus as me. and not in relation to anyone else. it's tough. and it scares the shit out of me. sometimes i feel like im left flailing. and i dunno how long it'll take before i find my footing and am able to stand firmly again? -that make sense?- it's tiring struggling. but i noe it's something i've gotta do.
i still harbour hope. hope in people. hope in you. not for anything in particular. but jus that i noe you did what you had to. and you should. we all have somehting we have to fulfill. something we have to accomplish. and im glad you've found yours. cause i wouldnt wan you to go thru life aimlessly, wandering, wondering. i dun wan you to be hounded by 'what-ifs'.
please go. go and be Happy :) for me too. i look forward to the future. i look forward to everything else that awaits. it's scary cause it's a mighty big world out there. but i noe i wont' be alone, cause i've got you. and you noe, you've got me. :). anytime. for anything. :). still feel sorry for my wrongdoings. to you. at your expense. at our expense. that's my only regret i guess. and it wont change. cause i'll never noe now. what it could have been.
had a good dinner with minyi yesterday. discovered i've gotta sweeter tooth than even you!! haha...we really have to go for more dessert excursions, ya?? haha..and shop more..definitely!! in nov!! hehe..here or melb or sydney!!! so cooL..heh..more coffee-ing too ya :)..you're like, a damn sweet gal ogay..in your own way. not the typical -puke- sweet. but sweet, nonetheless..haha..will keep a lookout for hotties for you..dun worry :)..especially that one huh..hahahaha..i remember his name!!!! :P haha..i love ya babes..no matter what la..okay?? :) i wanna watch you grow up..haha..rememebr, i gotta approve the dudes you go out with ah!! haha..altho from our dinner/coffee conversation, i reckon i can trust you..haha..muahmuah..
¶ 2:11 PM
i think im kindda happy now. im trying to find out who i am. jus as me. and not in relation to anyone else. it's tough. and it scares the shit out of me. sometimes i feel like im left flailing. and i dunno how long it'll take before i find my footing and am able to stand firmly again? -that make sense?- it's tiring struggling. but i noe it's something i've gotta do.
i still harbour hope. hope in people. hope in you. not for anything in particular. but jus that i noe you did what you had to. and you should. we all have somehting we have to fulfill. something we have to accomplish. and im glad you've found yours. cause i wouldnt wan you to go thru life aimlessly, wandering, wondering. i dun wan you to be hounded by 'what-ifs'.
please go. go and be Happy :) for me too. i look forward to the future. i look forward to everything else that awaits. it's scary cause it's a mighty big world out there. but i noe i wont' be alone, cause i've got you. and you noe, you've got me. :). anytime. for anything. :). still feel sorry for my wrongdoings. to you. at your expense. at our expense. that's my only regret i guess. and it wont change. cause i'll never noe now. what it could have been.
had a good dinner with minyi yesterday. discovered i've gotta sweeter tooth than even you!! haha...we really have to go for more dessert excursions, ya?? haha..and shop more..definitely!! in nov!! hehe..here or melb or sydney!!! so cooL..heh..more coffee-ing too ya :)..you're like, a damn sweet gal ogay..in your own way. not the typical -puke- sweet. but sweet, nonetheless..haha..will keep a lookout for hotties for you..dun worry :)..especially that one huh..hahahaha..i remember his name!!!! :P haha..i love ya babes..no matter what la..okay?? :) i wanna watch you grow up..haha..rememebr, i gotta approve the dudes you go out with ah!! haha..altho from our dinner/coffee conversation, i reckon i can trust you..haha..muahmuah..
¶ 2:11 PM
