Monday, November 1
deceived
the sky here is alot clearer, there're a lot more stars at night. well, at least where i am.
there's this one star, i'd see every night. it was one i shared with a very special person. someone i held close to my heart. every time i saw the star, i'd think, somewhere, under the very vast sky, we had something in common, something physical we could both share, at the very sametime, the exact moment. i havent looked for it in awhile..but i looked up tonight, and there it was, luminous.then i realized it was the only one in the dark night. and it was very bright indeed. exactly how i remember it. then it occurred to me, that maybe it's a satellite. *world crumbles to pieces* & it hit me that i was being very foolish and ignorant to assume the one bright light i'd see every night, when all the other stars were dimmed, was a star and not something else. i felt cheated. yea. but u noe. no one told me it was a star. i chose to believe what i saw. what i thought. it was what i wanted it to be. & while i never had a reason to question, i allowed myself to continue, deceiving myself. to be oblivious. there was no reason for me to prove to myself it WAS in actuality a star. (how i'd have done dat i have no clue). i mean, hello?? why would there be ONE star in the entire pitch black sky, in the middle of a storm.
i reckon many pple go thru life, believing things they see and not questioning. life's easier that way isn't it. why knock on something if it ain't broken (forgive the cliche..) and when the cold. harsh. stark truth hits them. that whatever they had placed their firm belief in turns out to be something else, they blame the world. everything else around them. everything that cannot retaliate. life, the mailman. i guess many pple blame themselves too. if only they'd known. if only they were wiser. more discerning. less blinded. thought more. spoke less. listened more. angered less. those thoughts have crossed my mind. more than once. & while i feel absolutely regretful & ashamed of my daft-ness. im not sure it wont happen again.
¶ 7:57 PM
there's this one star, i'd see every night. it was one i shared with a very special person. someone i held close to my heart. every time i saw the star, i'd think, somewhere, under the very vast sky, we had something in common, something physical we could both share, at the very sametime, the exact moment. i havent looked for it in awhile..but i looked up tonight, and there it was, luminous.then i realized it was the only one in the dark night. and it was very bright indeed. exactly how i remember it. then it occurred to me, that maybe it's a satellite. *world crumbles to pieces* & it hit me that i was being very foolish and ignorant to assume the one bright light i'd see every night, when all the other stars were dimmed, was a star and not something else. i felt cheated. yea. but u noe. no one told me it was a star. i chose to believe what i saw. what i thought. it was what i wanted it to be. & while i never had a reason to question, i allowed myself to continue, deceiving myself. to be oblivious. there was no reason for me to prove to myself it WAS in actuality a star. (how i'd have done dat i have no clue). i mean, hello?? why would there be ONE star in the entire pitch black sky, in the middle of a storm.
i reckon many pple go thru life, believing things they see and not questioning. life's easier that way isn't it. why knock on something if it ain't broken (forgive the cliche..) and when the cold. harsh. stark truth hits them. that whatever they had placed their firm belief in turns out to be something else, they blame the world. everything else around them. everything that cannot retaliate. life, the mailman. i guess many pple blame themselves too. if only they'd known. if only they were wiser. more discerning. less blinded. thought more. spoke less. listened more. angered less. those thoughts have crossed my mind. more than once. & while i feel absolutely regretful & ashamed of my daft-ness. im not sure it wont happen again.
¶ 7:57 PM
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hey dear, you know when i read ur post rite, i thought of it with respect to Jesus. i mean He is your steadfast unchanging star/satellite. when you look at the rest of the normal stars, they seem to give you pleasure but they fade away. when you depend on them, they only bring you disappointment. but the satellite remains always, even in the middle of the storm like the way He never leaves you nor forsakes you. =)
love u much -joanaas
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love u much -joanaas
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