post-mortem happy 2005 my dears..in abit :)

like everyone says whenever year end comes around..time flies..*cringe..scowl* ..i am glad for the new year cause even tho there really isnt anything symbolic about it...(i mean..wad really changes??) it's jus..an excuse for a change..i guess? like, it's more validated than any other day for change. i dun believe in resolutions..but, i appreciate the fact that everyone thinks the same way - tomorrow is a fresh start?? so like..i get the same lame ass opportunity/excuse as everyone else to make more mistakes..discover new ones..& repeat some old ones... did that make sense??

for what it's worth..i did learn stuff this year. about myself. about others. about how the world (does not) work. it's totally tragic the tsunami disaster had to happen so clsoe to new years..altho i noe there ISN'T a right time for something like that to happen...but. it seems more significant n devastating that it happened so close to a new year. i dunno..i really sympathize & feel for all those out there..all those who in one way or another were/are affected. that's a shitload of pain to have to go thru..what does it say about me tho, if i prefer to block it all out. i do feel for them. but do i have to try n put myself in their shoes? do i have to hear about how one mother had to deliver one son into the hands of death simply because he was older? i would far prefer to change the channel...scarily unfeeling & selfish huh.... could my saving grace be my attempt at honesty??
  ¶ 6:03 PM 3 Comments

  blasted wo de tian ah.....yesh, once again i find myself in like...the lan place in cine...no, i do not belong here..but yes, i am desperate for an internet connection that is a bit quicker than my granny's walking pace.....(she is fairly speedy....for a granny) anyways!!!! if only i could show you....the keyboards are missing alphabets (liek the last time) AND they're also missing keys!!!! woOOhOO!!! :) and.the.spacebar.sucks. like i have to JAM it right in the middle or it won't 'space for me' farrrkk......but but but...i do get my internet connection so i am trying to be patient as i dodge the 2 little boys i am sitting in between who are apparently friends and talking to each other THROUGH ME....asking for potion (which he didn't bring??) hahahahahahaha......& i think he was PEEKING!!!! OVER MY SHOUDLER!!!! they jus chanegd channels and turned up volumes....talk about passive aggressive little boys.....tsktsktsk...!! i noe i noe...they're probably playing gunbound or something....SEE!!!! I AM IN THE KNOW!!!

anyways....am off..gotta get hair doneth...and mayb gaigai abit first....woOohoOo....kung fu hustle later...will be a party of 10?? hahahaha...shit i hope we dun get hauled out of the theatre for laughing @ in appropriate times & doses..hahaha....


  ¶ 4:08 PM 1 Comments

  tis my season the season is partially mine. i could claim it as all mine. but i wanna share it with pple i care about. my friends. & my family. definitely not you & your (in)security blanket...my point is, you will not ruin it for me. it's not fair & it is not right. u have no business making me feel bad or guilty..quit making me feel undeserving. or that my happiness does not measure up to your kind of happiness!! wtf?! see i dun even noe what im exactly going on about now? im rambling. on christmas. the season of thanksgiving? i am very happy with who i am right now. so screw you! & your self righteousness. where do you get off being so condescending about pple who have fun partying?! (how out of point is that?!) & quit shaming pple who get caught up in the spirit of christmas cause it's too cliched for you. dun even Start on my friends, of whom i assure you i am fiercely defensive of. enough of your holier than thou attitude. shove it up where the sun dun shine. stick in someone else's face. u wanna brood. go somewhere else. u wanna mope. i dun give. it's my holiday. my life. it doesnt include you so stay out of it.


scrooge.go.away.


thank you & have a very merry christmas.


  ¶ 11:45 AM 2 Comments

  thank ya'll helloOo helLooo my darlings....thank you all of you for like, being so concerned with me n my eye...*blush* it really wasnt THAT bad..cept that i kept teaing la...but i can see perfectly fine right now..& all ish well, have scheduled the nex op & i cant wait cause..im already getting lazy with my right lense....


more importantly!!!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!! hehehe...at risk of being reprimanded by chimpion, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! heh..seriously..im very thank ful for the ending i have to this year...& all my mates have a part to play.. cause u guys all have different areas of expertise so i can like, go to different pple in times of need...seriously :) thank you, all of you. i dunno what the future holds..i dunno what lies ahead...but i noe that i've got you guys soOO..i'll be more than okay.. much love n blessings to ya all. *smile*
  ¶ 5:55 PM 0 Comments

 
i.am.miserable. i jus tear & tear & tear. did not like having my eyeball sucked into what i do not know. or my eye pryed open. the valium i got was probably the best part of it all.   ¶ 5:45 PM 0 Comments

  lasik me so. the next time i post. i will have. perfect vision in my left eye. that's how it works right.?. right-y-o then.

i will let you noe.
NOTE: if there're alot of typos in my nex entry? do not assume, regardless of what i say. that i am fine.
  ¶ 10:54 AM 1 Comments

  stuck in my throat.. You noe this pretty much sums up everything i need to say. it's been this way for awhile now. :) this is where 'weak kneed & turned to mush' basically came from. im sorry angel, that u cant turn the music off & if this is what you mean by 'computer & not radio sounding music..' hahaha.


tonight was good. wala's with grace, angel, vic, jodie n shijun. jus got to noe jodie. but jun i've known since primary school. albeit the very gross n slutty SQ gals. (they arent all like that....) who were 'drunk' after half a glass of wine?? puh-lease...can u say 'lammeee' ?? bah...nonetheless, the band was good..music was good too. altho we couldnt figure out why the lead singer's voice got so. nasal & squeaky?? thus the ruined rendition of 'the reason'. apart from that it was all good. hahaha..wad with grace trying to get angel n i to 'pretend we were unawares & deep in conversation' when we all knew we were posing for the picture. haha.

can't believe it's -technically- 4 days till christmas. wow?. i cant wait. cant wait. cant wait. after so many christmas-es. this is ours. :)




  ¶ 1:29 AM 0 Comments

  of guns n roses had to remove 'garden post'...it didnt quite work out as i had imagined...*pointed look at a certain person* hahaha...but in any case..

i re-visted the days in jc..when we were perpetually forced to churn out essay after essay, history..goth lit..chauncer..china hist..econs...*hands up all you who remember*..cripe...i dunno how i managed..but the thing is..i think us arts students got really good at those things..the period before the a's...we were producing essays; like that. & i have no idea how we did it..but we managed. & because of that, everything else came very mechanically too. am so out of practice now. *shivers*..no one tell shafa or dennis yeo. hehehe...i miss being able to spit stuff out like that. it took a lot of hard work to get there i guess..


am officially off contacts from now till wed..hey..it jus occurred to me, i wont be needing my left contact lense, EVER AGAIN!! wow. thank you angel for being free on wed :) *hugs* my frens. keep wed free? i needeth all the support i can get after op =/..hehh...abit more squirmish after recounting my suster's op with her. great work che. jus grrrreat.
  ¶ 11:46 PM 3 Comments

  smile wrinkles the ladies noe. the more one smiles, the more wrinkles one gets. talk about catch 22 huh. so how now. to smile or not to smile? forget laughing. dat's how sad laaa...


& i am falling siicckk...bleah..woke today & couldn't get a word out that sounded vaguely coherent. got a bit better. could even have a very nice conversation. but u noe im confident i know the absolute best medication. i mean, how could anyone go wrong with Lindt for breakfast?






  ¶ 10:46 AM 0 Comments

  voila me speechless.
very happy.
today's THE best.
*smile*.
u rock.



  ¶ 12:44 AM 1 Comments

  happy campari the wonders of coffee powder. hahaha. my mom thought it the best gift in the world. not sure if it was cause of the connotations or the background of the 'kopi hun' but she was pleased to say the Least.


jus watched Christmas with the kranks. haha. i noe. i saw the trailers & thought it was another cheesy low budget trying-to-ride-off-christmas-spirit kindda flick..but it turned out to be not baaaddd....i wouldnt go out & buy the dvd for it (actually i might..it was quite hilarious)..but i did leave the theatre all warm & fuzzy inside. there was the expected happy ending of course. it's jus a feel good show la. ALTHO!! hahaha...the soundtrack is quite good!! all ye who are sick of listening to carols..this might be the answer to your prayers. funky carols. :)
  ¶ 10:05 AM 0 Comments

  risen & shining *twirl* *twiirrl*

hahaha..gOod moRning my dears :) it's like..7:20am & i have no idea what im doing up..i slept really well last night, but woke up this morning & heard my darling sister making coffee..thought i'd catch her b4 she rushed off to work..our schedules have kindda clashed such i havent seen her very much at all...made her leetle tomato-omelette thingy..(felt like i was back in melb, for abit, when i'd make breakkie for laine..hMm..) so anyways...it felt good even tho we both hovered ard the counter top and ate standing....

hahaha..i used to get really sad when she was in the morning session in primary sch & i was in kindy or the afternoon session..every morning i'd wake up with her, (i dunno if mong noes this, even) but i'd stay in bed, listening to 98.7 (talk about head start) while she rushed to & fro toilet...when she finally got on the bus to go to school..i'd tip toe at the window sill & cry!!!! hahahaha..cause i like missed her heaps (even tho she played tug of war with my elbow & pulled it out of its socket..) & was afraid she'd never come back..bit morbid..but i guess at that time, it was more in terms of "no cheche to play sega with me..."


now she's off to work.....but she's still goofy & silly..hahahaha...still needs 2nd opinion for what earrings to wear..why she likes this jacket she's wearing best.....hahaha..i love my cheeee :)
  ¶ 7:33 AM 1 Comments

  forget the frills hahaha...i am sick of having to like, make corrections to my blog..so until i can be bothered -again- im gonna jus use a old..boring template....bear with me...not for long i promise... :)


very happy camper tonight..it got abit downed half way thru...but..i reckon it ends on one of the best notes possible...hahaha :) am..ermmm...speechless...in a good way..hahaha...as you can tell..brain died on me too..hahaha..hahaha...



  ¶ 2:14 AM 3 Comments

 
jus us being silly @ calvin's place...hahaha...  ¶ 10:43 PM 0 Comments

 
my final supper..that's jerald beside me, pooiyan opposite me calvin beside yan.....pple..come quiccckkk  ¶ 10:35 PM 0 Comments

  sunday mornings sunday morning rain is falling
steal some covers share some skin
clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
you twist to fit the mold that I am in
but things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
& I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
that someday it would bring me back to you


driving slow on sunday morning
i never wanna leave


& you may not know
that may be all I need
in darkness she is all I see
come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow?

_____________________ ____________________

open up your eyes
then you'll realise
here I said was my Everlasting love
need you by my side
girl to be my pride
you'll never be denied Everlasting love
Yeah
from the very start
open up your heart
feel the love you've got Everlasting love....


this is how sweet...hEH..it's really simple. the words are pretty. not conventionally poetic & boyband lovey dovey - which usually works for me. but i do appreciate how its not frilly & hyperbolic & so OTT it makes me wanna puke. helps that i like sunday morning rain. when i can stay indoors & do nothing. when i can hide under my covers & concentrate on the pitter patter of the raindrops on my window pane. when im in melb, it means i get really homesick tho. no doubt, i prefer rain @ night. when im going to sleep. when the sky is really Really dark. & i jus lie in bed and watch the rain pellet my window. i like.



  ¶ 8:58 PM 0 Comments

  stuck in a moment i really like being able to talk to another person who seems to understand & relate to myself. maybe it's about being egoistical and self centered that's why i like having someone concur and reiterate my own views & opinions. but honestly, more than that, ive sorta grown really accustomed to having my mates ard & being able to have senseless mindless crap conversations with them...ive forgotten what it's like having a 'new fellow conversationist' (dat's really awkward & bad english but..sums up my meaning.)



ive been back 9 days & im running out of things to do. but it's so good being home, i dun really care if there's anything for me to do..i dun wanna leave. it's so good being in familiar, secure surroundings..this is where i wanna be. & it's in these surroundings that i find myself having 'moments'..'moments' where im so at ease & peace with myself..i feel like i have so much to say, but i jus cant get a word out. things i noe should be said. but i jus cant say them. i dun wanna risk or jeopardize things. it's instinctive. it's human. humour me.


i'll call it the "Long Island Tea syndrome" let me explain.....
i knew as i slurped 'the tea' that i should have stopped mid way or something. but i didnt. i jus kept going & shoved consequences to the back of my head. well, my "moments" are reversed in that, i noe i should begin; but i cant sum up enough courage & i honestly dunno where to start. so i jus. shut.up.
  ¶ 1:37 AM 6 Comments

  jigsaws everytime im back for a holiday, it kindda feels like my life is at a standstill. which i havent decided if it's a positive or negative thing. hell ya it's a good time. but unfulfilling. my mom actually proposed i transfer the credits i have and go continue uni in florida. HUH? im not sure how long i looked at her with my mouth gaping & brows furrowed. but i think it was quite awhile cos my jaw kindda ached after that. serious. i dunno what she was thinking la. i hate flying. i really do. as much as im back, do not be deceived. i do not like flying at all. it has become a conditioned fear. ANYWAYSSsss..point is. my life is how. fluid? in a weird way. like i wonder, if i had said yes to my mom, would arrangements be underway now? im kindda craving a stable. fairly normal kindda life right now. i embrace routine. to an extent.


is that being a lousy & inflexible actor who cannot match up & fit the roles that she has been handed during her scene?
  ¶ 4:30 PM 1 Comments

  shiaaat queasy....very queasy...hate long island tea..(yesh mong u were right..) it jus hits you at one go & by that time, it's too late...jus tinking about those 2 jugs make me sick all over again...
THANK YOU VIC for driving us there & ANGEL for finding all the pieces of my phone & DENNIS!!! for taking a Huge risk in your precious car & driving me home :) & JACQ!! when didja leave???? am never doing a repeat of last night again. not on new years..not on christmas..im sorry jerald...i'll get laine to represent me ogay??? :)



im gonna go back to bed....





  ¶ 12:13 PM 2 Comments

  i do blog waaadd hellooo helLoo my frens..hahaha...quit complaining i dun blog cause im back..HERE I AM!! am at an internet place thing...all these little kids around me..playing some violent game or other no doubt..the print on the keyboard im using has faded so im basically staring at a keyboard with no alphabets laaa...hahaha...sheesshh!!


anywaysss...am off to zouk toniteee...yeaaayyy!!! finally...*cross fingers there arent too many little things there tonight..* hahaha...sighh...havent done much really..been in town quite a bit..tis singapore..wad else is there to do..Oohh...mates from melb coming down in the last week of dec..that'll be a Blast..woOhOoo...*little happy dance*


have watched a couplea movies..(1 major perk of spore..movie tix damn cheap!!) anyways..i need ideas on things to do for the nex couplea mths..helpP?? ideasss..
  ¶ 1:54 PM 0 Comments